So, at some point in my life- I was watching this movie, I couldn’t tell you what it was called, or who stared in it, but I fell deeply, madly, head-over-heals for one of the supporting cast. I call this beckon of everything that is good in life- “The Holy Grail of Lamps!”
So, again, no frigging clue what the movie was called- but there’s a scene where the married couple are in bed and she reaches over to turn off the light and I instantly fell in love! Angels sung, my whole world tingled- this was no mere lamp, it was THE LAMP!!!! And so unlike “The One” this is something I could dream to obtain and behold its beauty every day without ever having to step foot in a bar! This was no bad flashback to Vegas my friends, this was true love!
I’ve spent years (don’t judge me!) on the internet trying to find a copy of the answer to my dreams. While I found “Oh so similar” – I could never find The Holy Grail of Lamps. (BTW- when you’re in love with something that is adorned with blue glass balls- resist the urge to type “blue balls” in your search engine L you’ll thank me…
So I found myself again this month, searching for the Holy Grail of Lamps. Much to my amazement, I found it!!!!! OMG!!!!! No, not the “Holy Grail of Lamps” (please note, this is Me- and the Universe enjoys dangling unobtainable things in front of my face like some Cosmic cat toy joke) But if you couldn’t have “The One” and were willing to settle for his slightly less gorgeous, slightly less rich younger brother- this was Almost freaking Paradise!!!! (Which was the original title to the Ann Wilson/Loverboy song! True Story!)
Now my first clue should have been the Universe whispering “Wait for it, wait for it…” in my ear. Or maybe watching the Angels place bets on how quickly I would snap… But I was swept away in the amazing lust-fest that it is an eagerness to settle for second best, when my credit card wielding fingers took a brief pause at the price of Less Hot Younger Brother. $197??? Then my OCD kicks in. “You can’t just buy one lamp- you need two! You must have two lamps in order to balance a room! Are you truly willing to invest $394 to settle on an almost dream come true?”
I sat back and pondered this a bit. That’s a lot of effing money for two lamps… So I gaze back upon the almost perfect token of my affection. And just as Gabriel made a clean swept of every dream I’ve ever had – I decided that $394 was worth it to end my bitter longing….
Until I saw that $394 was actually $2,394.00 + tax…. Yep, $1,197.00 an effing lamp. For real Yo….
(Ariel never had a chance)
I would love to type that there is indeed over 2 grand available on my credit card and I was like “YOLO!!!!” But alas, that constant nagging bitch named Reality came a calling and I was schooled proper. L
I cried for like 5 minutes and then channeled my inner Matthew Wilde and decided “Ain’t NOTHING gonna breaka my stride!”
Or- I decided this was a prime opportunity to go to Target, buy lots of wine and cry bitterly.
But sometimes the Universe has other plans!
While at Target, shopping for my bottled shame, I happened upon the last two of “Had I divorced his less rich brother and then settled for his backwoods cousin- this would be OMG perfect!!!”
Behold the awesome of Wine! And Target!!! Because YES! You can put a price on broken dreams and it's frigging affordable too*!