Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Perfect Christmas Tree Part Deux

So, CW and I get back from the country.  I’ve made it perfectly clear that I am not doing anything until I can feel my limbs again and I’ve had some food.  The first order of business is Red, White and Bleu, where we got a bottle of my favorite Chilean Cabernet and some truffled cheddar.  Then we grabbed a Boardwalk Sicilian.  Yes, he knows how to bribe me well! Once I was warm and full, I agreed to deal with the perfect Christmas tree (which was still outside and tied to the roof of the car).

When I bought this house my “Tool Box” consisted of 1 big hammer, 1 little hammer, 1 flat head screwdriver, 1 philips head screwdriver, 2 things of duct tape and my ex-husband.  Through the years as things have needed repairing, I run off to Home Depot and get whatever tool it is I need to fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed.  And then I put said tool in my garage.  My garage has a mind of it’s own.  You may think you know what tool you need but my garage has it’s finger on the pulse.  You will only ever find the tool the GARAGE thinks you need.  e.g., you go into the garage looking for a wrench.  The only tool you will find is one of the screwdriver twins.  You won’t ever see that wrench until you are looking for plumber’s tape.  So, imagine my shock when CW and I go looking for 1 of the 2 saws that I’ve sacrificed to my garage and the only thing we were able to find are the 3 pairs of garden sheers…which barely work on the bushes.  There is no way these things will trim the trunk of a Fraser Fir! 

Fortunately, CW’s parents live about ½ mile from my house.  And they have a 2-car garage filled with tools.  Good tools.  Unlike me who buys the cheapest tool I can find, they buy good quality tools!  So I pack up an offering of homemade sugar cookies (the non-zombie ones) and CW heads to the parental units garage to secure a saw.  Unlike my garage, Mr. W’s garage is tame and follows directions!

I was halfway through my glass of Chilean Cabernet when I noticed that CW had been gone for almost an hour.  Hmmm…he should be back by now.  I glance out the window and see that his car is here. Hmmmm...*chee chee chee hah hah hah chee chee chee hah hah hah*  I decide to take the risk of ending up in a horror film and look around outside the house for the dark.  I step out onto the front porch, and as I scan for zombies I see this:

CW trying to hold a giant tree while trimming the trunk with a hand saw...

Me: (trying not to laugh) What are you doing?
CW: (looking very frustrated) Always remember, if someone offers you an electric saw, YOU TAKE IT!!!!
Me: (in my head only) well, duh!

I had to take one more picture before I offered any assistance:

CW and the Perfect Christmas Tree

Me: (holding down the tree so CW can cut...with the hand saw) so let me get this straight, your Dad offers you an electric saw and you took this?

The look on CW’s face suggested that I just leave this one alone.  I’m hitting the FF button here as the next several minutes were filled with a lot of swearing.

Me: Ok, you have about 5 more minutes to wrap this up before I go inside, grab your ipad and resume my Walking Dead marathon.
CW: fine, I’m going to get the electric saw.
Me: it takes a handsome, amazing man to admit defeat in the face of the perfect Christmas tree!
CW: I’m not defeated.  I've seen how you are with electronics, I don’t want you touching my ipad.

At the risk of every t.v., dvd player, computer, and every other electronic I own, I don't have problems with electronics.  Seriously, I'm cool with electronics.  It's appliances I don't get along with...but I digress...


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