A to Z Blogging Challenge: A is for The Awesome of being an Aries

I’ve always loved being an Aries but I’ve never really thought about why.  And since I’m definitely in one of my “getting back to me” phases, now is a great time to look at what it means to be an Aries and how it translates to being “me”.

Wiki defines Aries as the first astrological sign in the Zodiac, spanning the first 30 degrees of celestial longitude (0°≤ λ <30º), which area the sun transits, on average, between March 21 to April 20 each year.  

*crickets* 

I don’t know about all THAT but I do know that Aries also means “ram”!!  I did know that Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac…and I like being first!!  And because it’s all about me, let’s start with what I know and love about me.

I have a quick temper…which leads to me having to say “I’m sorry” a lot…which I don’t like (the saying sorry part…except when I’ve messed up big time).   Ok, it’s like this:  If you draw out my quick temper, chances are you are being simple.  And once I’ve shown you exactly how you are being simple, I feel bad for you for being so simple and then I have to apologize for not being more sensitive when I explained to you just how you're being simple.   I don’t like that sorry.  Honestly, the whole thing could have been avoided if you would just stop being so simple!  Sometimes, every so often, I, sua sponte, make a really bad decision that hurts someone else.  On those rare occasions I am deeply sorry and don’t mind saying so.  But I digress…

I always take the side of the underdog…which I love about myself!  I am David in my own internal David and Goliath story!  I won’t run with the majority if I think the majority is wrong and I’m not afraid to stand on my own two feet, even when outnumbered.  Although, sometimes I’ll argue past the point when I realize I’ve lost.  Then I’m just arguing for the sake of arguing and now we’re back to me having to say “sorry” for my obnoxious behavior…why did you bring up arguing anyway?  You should say sorry to me!!  *sigh* Bygones! Let’s get back to me taking the side of the underdog and wanting to rescue any unfortunate soul that I encounter…

“Rescuer”.  Hmm, that is one of the things that I’ve always loved about myself.  It’s also one of the biggest things that I questioned about myself in healing from my divorce.  One of my favorite traits about myself is the same trait that led me into this drama cycle with the hEX.  Every last time I took him back, it was times when he had made a mess of his life.  I opened the door during the times that I thought I could “rescue” him from something…or himself.  When did I finally break that destructive cycle with the hEX?  I broke that cycle when I “rescued” my children. 

When I look back on that destructive web, I very much want to cast any and every trait that led to my entanglement.  I wanted to turn my back on not only my basic nature but many of the things that I loved most about myself.  Divorce is traumatic.  Abuse is traumatic.  It was perfectly normal to want to cast out anything about me that could lead me down the road to another abusive, destructive relationship.  In fact, for a long time I avoided romantic relationships all together.  While these sentiments are normal, they went against my nature.  What I realized is that these traits, these things “about” me, don’t define me.  I define me.  My choices define me.  I wasn’t an innocent bystander while my rescuer nature jumped into the fire.  I chose the hEX over myself and my own well-being.  I chose my natural tendency over my better judgment and suffered disastrous consequences.  One of the things I had to ask myself “Do I really want to cast out my rescuing nature?”

In all of my healing and analyzing, I still like being a rescuer.  I like seeing the good in people.  I’m hopeful that those struggling will find in themselves what I already see. My capacity for hope is what saw me through some really dark chapters.  I don’t want to throw away these things about myself.  But these traits do need tempering.  They need balance. This realization began my “sympathy not responsibility” training.  Much as I make both my good and bad choices, so does everyone else.  So does the hEX.  I’m not responsible for the choices he made.  I never was.  And I shouldn’t cast out what I love about myself just because he makes hurtful choices. 

I’m not willing to give up my passion, my hope, my fiery, rescuing nature.  I love the challenge of remaining true to my nature while making better decisions.  But the best thing about being an Aries...I get to guiltlessly buy myself diamonds with the excuse of “it’s my star stone”!