I’m not sure of the percentage of affairs being the cause of divorce but I’m sure it’s pretty high. This is what led to my separation and countless other separation/divorces amongst my friends and acquaintances.
One trend that I have noticed is the question of whether online and emotional affairs are really cheating. I absolutely think both forms are cheating. My ex-husbands first “affair” (I call her 2.1 as I was his 2nd wife and she was the 1st person that I’m aware of who he had an affair with). This was very much an online affair. While there was no physical activity, they were taking pictures of their private parts and emailing back and forth …and emailing pictures of the during and the results of masturbation. At the time I suspected that the pain this caused me couldn’t be any worse if he had stuck his dick in her. This suspicion was confirmed with 2.2, the emotional pain was just as horrible. The fact that 2.2 was my good “friend” and I now had to go get STD testing…while pregnant with my son…is what made 2.2 a little worse. Online or physical, either way my husband chose another woman over me. Either way it’s cheating and the pain caused is horrible.
Emotional affairs are still a form a cheating. I hear both men and women saying “this person gets me, more than my spouse”. Well, your spouse clearly got you at some point, you’re married after all. Instead of spending time/energy into reconnecting with their spouse, people spend that time/energy into starting new relationships. When you choose a new relationship over your marriage, you are cheating. Plain and simple.
If you stay together long enough, every marriage reaches a point when spouses need to realize that you are no longer falling in love, now you are choosing to love. Isn’t that the point of getting married? To spend the rest of your life with this person? You choose to love in the unlovable moments, that’s commitment.
In between 2.2 and 2.2 revisited (yes, she came back around a few years later), I had the opportunity to cheat on my now ex-husband, to have a physical affair. The thought in my mind was “it’s time I have some fun and it’s time HE has to get over one of my mistakes”. I had every reason to want to enact some revenge but when it came down to it, my choice was to fall in love with my husband again. I sobbingly confessed what I had been thinking about doing, we had some amazing talks and some of the best sex of our relationship and I thought we were stronger than ever!! It was a challenge to deny my physical urges for 1.1. It was incredibly hard to confess my thoughts to my husband…including the “you get over my mistake for a change” thought. I made the choice to love my husband. The change in our relationship was amazing! I don’t believe I had ever felt closer to him!
In summary, don’t kid yourself into thinking that online and emotional affairs are not really cheating. They are both forms of cheating. Any and all cheating causes horrible pain. Remember: “Marriage is falling in love, over and over again, always with the same person”. Good Twin advice, choose your spouse!