Monday, September 10, 2012

~Welcome to the Good Twin/Evil Twin Divorce Club~

As the co-president and co-founder of the Good Twin/Evil Twin Divorce Club- I feel it is my duty to inform you of the following:
  1. We're here for you judgement free -whether you're the first Ex-Mrs. or Ex-Mrs. 4.0... (For the record, Good Twin and I are both former Wife 2.0's)
  2. We will not help you bury the body.  Sorry, but this rule is set in stone with no exceptions.  The Good Twin is a Mom of 2 young Minions and will not risk jail time and Evil Twin is pigmentally challenged and can not be forced into a life where she must wear orange.  Yes, we do truly love you and yes we do see your point- but alas, even our affection has legal limitations.
  3. We are not professional Dr.'s, Lawyer's, Therapist's, Etc....  any advice or insight that we give is from our own personal life experiences and is in no way, shape or form "professional advice"
  4. You are not crazy and you are not alone.  Going through the life-altering experience of a divorce can make you run the Olympic gamut of emotions.  You may be full-on spontaneous awesome one day and down in the dumps lower than pond scum the next day.  Adjusting to a life where you are no longer "wife" puts you body, mind and soul through a lot of crazy changes!  Please feel free to vent on here- but bear in mind that if you have thoughts of hurting yourself or others- please seek medical attention.  Again, we are not judging you but if you have reoccurring thoughts of harming yourself or others- please put your own health first and talk to a licensed professional.
  5. We feel that humor heals.  Life can be unexpected, tragic, unfair, etc... but taking those things that used to "break" us and making them something that we can laugh about- that's what keeps us sane! 
  6. Once you acknowledge that certain words press your "buttons" you start to gain control over your own emotions.  Let's face it- divorce brings out the "ugly" in all of us and we all have those sensitive areas that our Ex knows all too well (ex. "You're just like your Mother"  "If you really loved me you would...."  "You're a bad Mom/Dad because you")  We've both been there!  And we're still in the process of "growing through it" again, you're not alone!
  7. We respect all Faiths and Devotions- Good Twin and I come from opposite ends of the Faith Spectrum- yet we both believe in having faith in something that positively influences your life- and that it is something worth celebrating.  Whatever name you chose to celebrate be it  "God" or the "Higher Power" or "Spirit" -or whether you chose not to accept a concept of God - we appreciate your faith or beliefs- however if you leave a comment that we feel is a deliberate attack on someone else's faith or spirituality- we will delete it.  We will also send you a private email letting you know why we chose to delete your comment without retaliation of any sort on our blog or in future emails.
  8. Please do not use our blog as a way to promote your business.  If you feel your business offers a unique service to us and our followers- please send us an email at: thewinetwins@gmail.com  we promise to give every inquiry our full attention and will respond in kind.  If you post a link to your services without our consent- we will utilize our rights to delete your comment.
  9. Our Blog is not private and therefore is out on the Internet for the entire world to see- please note that although all comments are welcome- we are under legal obligation of blogspot.com to disclose all communication via public or private if requested by law.
  10. Should your comment indeed cost you an appliance, by posting on this site you agree to hold harmless thewinetwins.blogspot.com, it’s individual owners, and their successors, from any and all liability, including but not limited to any and all claims, demands, losses, causes of action, damage, lawsuits, judgments, including attorneys' fees and costs.(Good Twin doesn’t have a sense of humor when it comes to legalities…just ask demon hEX)

*amended with Snarky Love by*
 

9 comments:

  1. Whoohoo, way to go Evil Twin!! You totally rocked this!! I wouldn't be me if I didn't chime in...most days...and you know you've been waiting, all curious like...

    Good Twin comments:
    Title: The CDO spot believes that since "Evil" comes before "Good" in the dictionary, Evil Twin should be first in this title.

    1) demon hEX 3.0 is actually excluded from the divorce club because I hope she never divorces the demon hEX, my life is WAY more quiet this way.
    2) 110% in agreement
    3) I took a few psych classes in college, does that count?
    4) If you have children, keep in mind they are going through this too. They need you for guidance, support, and validation...especially if you are the custodial parent. Somedays it is hard to offer these things when you yourself are hurt and grieving. A bad day does not mean you are a bad parent and you're not alone! And no matter how bleak it feels right now, please please please, don't harm yourself or others!
    5)we've been declared sane? when did that happen, where was I??
    6)I love that, "growing through it"! I have grown to the point where the only demon hEX buttons I have are directly linked to my children. Let's all talk about that, this is a struggle for me.
    7)I reserve the right to respectfully make fun of...everything, particularly my own faith.
    8)If your business has anything to do with fixing driveways or replacing appliances, please e-mail me directly!
    9)agreed
    10)please delete the orignal item 10 and replace it with the following amended item 10:

    Should your comment indeed cost you an appliance, by posting on this site you agree to hold harmless thewinetwins.blogspot.com, it’s individual owners, and their successors, from any and all liability, including but not limited to any and all claims, demands, losses, causes of action, damage, lawsuits, judgments, including attorneys' fees and costs.(Good Twin doesn’t have a sense of humor when it comes to legalities…just ask demon hEX)

    Happy Healing!! :)

    ~Good Twin

    ReplyDelete
  2. Could you be a little more specific on "damages"? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure...does your home run on gas or electric?

      Delete
  3. Please expand on the definition of hEX, please. Inquiring minds want to know and, if appropriate, copy shamelessly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, good question! We've never actually discussed hEX criteria. Let's remedy that!!

      Specifically a hex is "one that brings bad luck". An Ex (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, etc) who keeps returning to your life like a bad penny, disrupting your life like a shitstorm, and who generally won't accept the phrase "when you're dead, LIE DOWN". Actually, that would be a good way to sum up a hEX...an Ex of shitstorm caliber who brings nothing but bad luck, leaves a trail of negativity and just like that nasty wad stuck to the bottom of your show, simply won't go away!

      Delete
    2. Dear Mayhemandmartinis - by all means, please copy away!
      I also feel it's important to note the proper pronunciation of "hEX" includes a royally pissed off cat sound at the beginning of it. This can also be pronounced correctly through gritted teeth.

      Delete
  4. Hello Wine Twins--

    I am happily married to my first wife. I really cannot complain about her at all - in fact, she should complain more about me.

    How can you help someone like me?

    Thank you in advance!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello Scott!

    Thank you for your post!

    I regret to inform you that you're not eligible for membership in the divorce club. However, we would like to extend an invitation for membership in our wine club to your wife!

    Warm wishes,
    The Good Twin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scott - thank you for proving to the internet world that yes there really are happily married men out there who truly love their wives. I am sorry that this has to mean that you can't join our club (as it is AWESOME!) I am also sorry to have to tell you that the Good Twin must have been dizzy with joy from receiving an ultimate coupon of some sort that may have included fish gnawing at her toes - at the time she left you the above comment and sadly, there is not a "wine club" for your wife to join. The reason there is not a wine club is simply because Evil Twin refuses to part with her 3/4's of the bottle.

      Delete

Thoughts?